The Fate of Every Man.

" It is better to spend your time at funerals than at festivals. For you are going to die, and you should think about it while there is still time. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks much about death, while the fool thinks only about having a good time now." - (NLT)

Many people have been dying.

The deaths have been a wake up call for me.

To start living while I am living.

At times I get a little frustrated with myself.

I wonder if I'm growing in God.

Is God for me?

Am I for God?

Am I abiding in God and is He taking root in me?

Death causes us to revvaluate the important things in life.

We can take nothing with us when we leave this world.

Death humbles us in who we really are.

This quote rings a bell: "And at once I knew I was not magnificent " -(Bon Iver, Holocene)

God is the magnificent One.

he decides if we even get to breathe another breath.

Humbling, isn't it?

The God of teh universe sustains everything in this world and even little ol' me.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life beating myself up for all of my failures.

As long as I'm living I will believe that God still has hope for me.

That, yes, He does love me.

He's shed His grace on me.

Just like the scriptures say: "It's better to be a live dog than a dead lion!" -(Ecclesiastes 9:4)

There is hope for me.

God please be with me.

No one will ever understand me.

They can't.

But you do.

Be with me in all my of endless numbered days....Selah.

These words mean so much to me right now...

“Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters.”

― John Green

There's a time for everything.
It's time for me to speak.

Who Am I Really?

All my life I've been trained to be a certain way.

I wasn't allowed to express myself and anytime that I would try to express myself I would be shot down.

This continued for years and eventually I became increasingly quiet and shy.

Naturally, I'm a a very reserved person BUT over the years I've become more guarded.

I've developed  a relationship with God. It hasn't been the best and I believe a lot of it has to do with my guard being up all the time.

I'm always shot down for being myself and I don't want to deal with that anymore.

The people I admire the most are those that are true to themselves.

People who have the courage to express themselves even if they are labeled as "crazy".

There's a part of me that I have trouble bringing to the light.

That part of me is the real ME.

I don't reveal my TRUE to self because of fear of being shot down, rejected and ridiculed.

I have to let go of fear. I have to shoot fear down.

The real me is begging to come out but I have prevented her.

I know her.

She's beautiful, sensual, compassionate and an ambitious dreamer.

She's unique and filled with a tremendous amount of purpose.

People may not understand me but I'm through people pleasing.

Here's to you mothers and fathers that allowed your child to experience the great joy of freedom!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that bring up your child to see the beauty in themselves!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that bestow on your children the great ability to freely love another life than your own!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that are wise enough to know that love and trust are the keys to a beautiful home!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that quickly see the gift of life that God has given them. That their child belongs to God first!
Here's to mothers and fathers that train up their child in the Lord's ways!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that never saw the shame in speaking words of love!
Here's you mothers and fathers that saw the destruction in speaking wounding words to their child!
Here's to mothers and fathers that took the time to understand the ways of their child instead of ridiculing!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that believed in the dreams of you child and encouraged them!
Here's to you mothers and fathers that saw the beauty in loving in seasons of bad and in seasons of good.
Here's to you!
Yes here's to you.
The love
encouragement...
kindness...
patience...
and acceptance that you have bestowed will remain forever.

The Holy Spirit: Our Comforter, Helper, Teacher

Mystery Babylon?

**Revelation 18:4**

If you've read any of my blog posts. You may have noticed that I am a "church-goer." Most of my Sundays are spent in a "church" building. I've been doing some scriptural research for some time and have spent time in prayer to God about the uneasiness I feel whenever I step into a "church" building. I believe that the same Holy Spirit that was at work in the early new testament church is still ALIVE today. YES, the Holy Spirit is still speaking the words of the Father to many today as well as convicting people of their sins. However, in comparison to the Church then and now, there is  a huge difference. Today's "churches" are run like a business. Instead of the focus to be on building up each other to become true and dedicated disciples of our Lord Jesus Christ, many pastors and church attendees focus on the numbers of people attending their services. I personally don't like big business. I don't believe that the salvation of a soul should be handled in a business like manner.
      The Church is NOT a building. It is the PEOPLE. At first, I believed that it was the enemy trying to pull me out of God's will but now, I believe that the Holy Spirit was the One convicting me this whole time. There is no truth in Satan, in fact Jesus Christ called him the father of lies. The Holy Spirit can only speak the TRUTH that he hears from the Father. In the new testament, the disciples met in each others homes to break bread. They did not use the synagogues or create a building. They were a family, which is something that is very hard to have in a mega-church. These people loved each other and fellow-shipped with one another in each others homes. They did not need be lorded over by anyone else except Jesus Christ. In Jesus' own words, He said that we have only One teacher (the Holy Spirit), and one father (God Almighty). -Matthew 23:8-9
  The traditions of man seem to be present in many churches. Is the Holy Spirit very much present in your assembly? When was the last time that you heard the actual gospel being preached on a Sunday that wasn't Easter (Ishtar-PAGAN holiday) or Christmas (PAGAN-Yule)? I know times are hard but a message about increasing wealth, and false promises of a peaceful life with NO tribulations is absolutely misleading! When Jesus waled this earth, he said that we would have trouble but that in Him we will find our peace to overcome (John 16:33). The scriptures even say that if ANYONE so desires to live a godly life in Christ Jesus he WILL be persecuted (2 timothy 3:12). This whole prosperity and health, wealth "gospel" is absolutely contrary to what Jesus was actually saying. I'm begging you, read the scriptures for yourselves WITHOUT any preconceived notions in mind. Read the Word for exactly what is says. Allow the Holy Spirit (your Teacher), to guide you as you read the Word of God. Do not be deceived because many have come in sheep clothing! many people want to deceive the children of God from following after Him.
    Stay on the narrow road! Many people will enter the broad road. Why? Because it's easier, it's enticing and it promises the wicked desires of your heart. The scriptures say that men's heart are desperately wicked!- Jeremiah 17:9
 The narrow road will come with pain, persecution and loss. There will be periods of loneliness and isolation but Jesus said He will always be with you. Have faith. I struggle to stay on the narrow road too. As human beings we like to have the favor of people. But we must believe the words of Jesus when He said: "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets." - Luke 6:26
No matter the persecution that you may endure on this passing earth, know that there is a greater award that awaits you. Jesus Christ says that is you overcome, you get to sit with Him on His very throne! (Revelation 3:21).
 I'm hoping to do a study on Mystery Babylon. The one that believers are warned to "come out of" in Revelation 18:4. It's possible that Mystery Babylon could be the Institutional Church. All the institutional churches of today are branches of the Catholic Church which has alot of paganism attached to it. Research on your own all about the Catholic Church. Many people of God are being called out of the Institutional church and looking for fellowship with the saints in each others homes. It's not really the building that is the issue. It's the organization. God's Church should not be run like a business with a hierarchy system of: pastor and then congregants. We are all brothers and sisters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with leadership BUT, your leader should not be more valued than Christ Jesus Himself.

Part 1.
 Below are some videos by some sisters of mine on Youtube. These videos go into depth about  Mystery Babylon.

The Power of Testimony & Prayer.

On some Saturday nights I feel very anxious.
I'm usually anxious about the approaching Sunday service that I will have to attend.
On Sundays I feel very refreshed in God's presence because, throughout the week the "busyness" of life seems to just take over.
So, on Saturdays I try to ease my anxiety by evaluating and recalling all the things I had done during the week.
I use my Saturday nights to commit all the pastors in my local church congregation into God's hands.
I ask God to allow the preacher's message to be directly influenced by the Holy Spirit. Whatever it is that God may need to say to someone in the church or even myself...I ask God to send down a rhema word from heaven!

Now...Ever since I admitted to God that I was lost and declared my Declaration of Dependence, God sent me a word through the testimony of a very loved sister in the church. The Lord answered my prayers.....

I  really shouldn't be shocked that God answered my prayers but, sometimes I just feel that I don't measure up and that God may not even want to answer my prayers...

Well...That is a lie from the devil!

It's never wrong to pray..In fact, the scriptures say that men should always be praying! (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Anyway, the Sister's testimony was about direction and how God had pulled her out of the wrong direction and into the pathway of His divine plan for her life.

I was stunned because this was exactly the testimony that I needed to hear!

My number one plea in this season of my life is divine direction from God. I want to follow after His leading and I want to stay in faith...

I had thoughts of giving up on God answering my prayers and I noticed that my love for Him seems to be growing cold...

I thought my eyes were opened up to the love of God and now it seems like I never knew it.

Reading the scriptures nowadays feels like I'm reading an old magazine...When in fact the word of God carries mighty power. The words of God are spirit and life! (John 6:33)

Lo and behold, my pastor preached a message on love...

But, I've realized that I don't need just preaching on love...I need to experience it, for myself.

I need to ask God to open my eyes so I can understand His love for me!
Why David was a man after God's heart?
Why was Stephen so joyful as he was being stoned for his belief in Christ?
Why was Paul so passionate about preaching about God's love and grace, even from prison?!
Why are martyrs (even present day martyrs) so willing to die for Christ?

The love of God is very powerful!

In fact the scriptures say that love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

In 1 Corinthians 13:13 it says:

"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love."


Love is the greatest. Love should be the force that drives a believer's faith and hope in God. Because, God is love (1 John 4:8).


On this journey, I want to increase my faith in God but most importantly, I want my love for God to be stronger with each passing day.

Where Am I Going?

As of right now, my main struggle has been direction. For most of my life, the places I've gone have usually been determined by some source of authority (i.e. parents). I entered college with the pressure to pursue a career in which I had the slightest interest in. However, because I had no idea where I was exactly going, I decided to stay in the course even though I was failing. There was also a huge lack of motivation and NO peace. If I'm placed into a situation in which I lack peace then I know that I am out of God's will. For the believer that is Christ, peace is ALWAYS available no matter the situation (John 16:33). A person could be going through a hard season in life but, if it is God's will, then unexplained peace will almost always be available.

   Unfortunately, I ignored my feelings of peace, despair and lack of motivation and continued on in this major. After I received my results, I was most defiantly devastated. I realized that I was on the wrong course of the life God had planned out for me. And now I feel lost. I felt more lost than I ever had in life. I don't know where I am going. And I know that this feeling of being lost and insecure is not an accident. My Heavenly Father knows exactly what He's about to do and this season of my life is not a surprise to Him!

   I've realized that in my relationship with Christ, I've called Him my Lord and Saviour and sang all the hymns proclaiming it. But did I really surrender everything to Christ? Did I really depend on Jesus?
  I think God had to take me to this point of my life to test my trust in Him. To show me the areas in which I have not given Christ Lordship over. It's funny how I was oblivious to the fact that I have blocked Christ's Lordship over certain areas of my life!
  When we say we surrendered all to Christ.....Do we really mean that?
  When we say that Jesus Christ is our LORD and Savior.....Is He LORD every everything?
Let's examine ourselves and totally dig down within ourselves to see the areas that we are blocking God's presence from entering. You may be surprised at what you discover....

Throughout this process of trying to figure out where God is taking me...I have struggled.

I've struggled with identity, and I've struggled with my faith.

I've been frustrated, and frustration occurs when we decide to plan out our lives without the help of God when He is the author of our lives.

It's been a struggle. In the struggle my faith began to get shaky, my future seemed dark, and I stared to slip up as a believer.

In the midst of all this frustration and lack of peace, I turned to the Word and to music.

One of my favorite bands, Kings of Convenience have this beautifully crafted album titled, "Declaration of Dependence."

I never noticed the title before but, this time it really stuck out to me!

This season of my life is my Declaration of Dependence to God, my Father.

I'm lost and God knows that exact path I need to take in order to be found.

I need not rely on any man and place my TOTAL faith in God alone.

No one has the right to tell me how to live my life except for God. I cannot continue to live under the fear of man and the conformity of this world.

NO.

As followers of Christ, we are not called to conform but be transformed! (Romans 12:2)

I have to live out in faith no matter how crazy I may look.
Most of the people who lived their lives out in faith were looked at like fools, when in fact, they were teh true geniuses!

My prayer to my Heavenly Father is:

Heavenly Father,

Save me from myself!
Don't let me walk in my own way but, guide my steps.
Allow your glory to be lived out through me.
Let all fear be cast out as you perfect me in your love through the Holy Spirit's work.
Give me a discerning heart to know when I've stepped out of your will.
Allow the Holy Spirit to give me courage and boldness to do things in faith.
Help me to to see the glorious future you have in store for me no matter how dark things may seem.
keep me surrounded by those who trust in you and have surrendered their all to the cause of the Kingdom.
Give me a heart that loves YOU more than anything in this world.
Allow me to accept the person you have made me and to accept the people you have created.
Strengthen me on this journey of life and allow my life to be a testimony of your amazing grace and mercy.
In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."  

              

                NKJV